Why You Are Dutch

"ttyymmnn" (ttyymmnn) 01/09/2019 at 15:28 • Filed to: None

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And you know who you are.

You’re not German

You’re not English

You’re not French

You understand those languages but nobody understands yours.

You let your dog shit in the middle of the sidewalk.

Laughing when someone else steps in dogshit

Complaining about stepping in dog shit.

You have in-depth knowledge of bizarre sextoys.

Political leaders can admit to smoking pot and nobody will notice.

Football captain not afraid to cry live on TV.

You have the largest open-air urinals in the world.

You have the right to terrorize tourists on your bicycle.

You can always get a job as a circus performer by riding a bicycle while holding an umbrella to keep you, your cigarette and your groceries dry, as you drive your children through busy streets ignoring all traffic signals and expecting everyone to get out of your way.

You get to read incomprehensible subtitles on every film on TV.

You can be gay and nobody cares.

You can have the same government for ever even though you have regular elections.

You can imagine you are a world power.

Only country to successfully invade the US and buy its largest city.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:38

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Only country to successfully invade the US and buy its largest city.

Cé hé sin > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:40

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You can produce “Van Gogh”

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:42

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Which city did we buy? I always thought we had settled New York and then traded it to the Brits for Surinam, as that seemed like a better source of trade wares.

A lot of things it mentiones are very recognisable though...

One thing I’d like to add: Complain about bicyclists ignoring rules when you are driving a car, but ignoring the same rules when riding a bicycle

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:42

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You are Dutch  if:

You are on a date and you each pay for your own meals?

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > Cé hé sin 01/09/2019 at 15:44

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I never understood why especially Americans can’t get further than the first 2 letters of his name…

ttyymmnn > BvdV - The Dutch Engineer 01/09/2019 at 15:45

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I think it has it backwards.

New Amsterdam was renamed New York on September 8, 1664, in honor of the Duke of York (later James II of England ), in whose name the English had captured it. After the Second Anglo-Dutch War of 1665–1667, England and the United Provinces of the Netherlands agreed to the status quo in the Treaty of Breda . The English kept the island of Manhattan, the Dutch giving up their claim to the town and the rest of the colony, while the English formally abandoned Surinam in South America, and the island of Run in the East Indies to the Dutch, confirming their control of the valuable Spice Islands . Today much of what was once New Amsterdam is New York City. ( wiki )

ttyymmnn > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/09/2019 at 15:45

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Or if you have those silly doors.

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 01/09/2019 at 15:46

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It even applies to going for dinner with friends. Some people will even insist on splitting exactly to what their meal was, which is quite irritating sometimes

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:49

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I checked, and they are sort of right, as some  native people where paid money to make the settlement of New Amsterdam official. What you quoted sounds more like what I’ve always heard though

Cé hé sin > BvdV - The Dutch Engineer 01/09/2019 at 15:49

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It might come from the French, seeing as how he lived there for some time.

Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:50

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You can also do a double dutch rudder.

The Ghost of Oppo > Arch Duke Maxyenko, Shit Talk Extraordinaire 01/09/2019 at 15:56

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giggit y

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:57

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Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can’t say
People just liked it better that way

PS9 > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 15:58

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You are Dutch if;

You have a plan and it involves Tahiti and robbing a bank one last time.

ttyymmnn > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/09/2019 at 15:58

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That’s nobody’s business but the Dutch.

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > BvdV - The Dutch Engineer 01/09/2019 at 15:58

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Haven’t you ever heard this song:

Even old New York was once New Amsterdam
Why they changed it I can’t say
People just liked it better that way

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > Cé hé sin 01/09/2019 at 15:59

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I can pronounce it: Van Go.

BvdV - The Dutch Engineer > Highlander-Datsuns are Forever 01/09/2019 at 16:03

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I’ve actually never heard that song before!

Highlander-Datsuns are Forever > BvdV - The Dutch Engineer 01/09/2019 at 16:23

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user314 > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 16:35

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DasWauto > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 17:12

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I resemble these remarks. 

I like cars: Jim Spanfeller is one ugly motherfucker > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 17:13

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Being Dutch sounds like it would kick ass

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 17:48

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ah man... terrorizing tourists and hauling an improbable amount of stuff are two of my favourite things to do on a bike

good times

vondon302 > ttyymmnn 01/09/2019 at 18:18

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After Just getting back from 10 days in Haar lem can confirm.

facw > farscythe - makin da cawfee! 01/09/2019 at 19:17

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I found the Dutch perfectly nice to me as tourist, except for that one drunk asshole who made fun of me for wearing shorts (if he wants to let society sucker him into being uncomfortable for no reason, that’s his business) .

farscythe - makin da cawfee! > facw 01/10/2019 at 04:11

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huh... thats a new one to me.... but drunks will be drunks i guess

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > ttyymmnn 01/10/2019 at 09:50

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Funny. Was this in some  newspaper?

I do hope these become common in the U.S. for festivals and whatnot (maybe with some large, simple visual barriers added).

ttyymmnn > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/10/2019 at 12:07

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There was no source given. And those urinals are fine without shields. People in the US need to stop being such pseudo Puritans.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > ttyymmnn 01/10/2019 at 12:11

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Yeah, they’re fine. Would just make the ladies waiting in line jealous. 

ttyymmnn > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/10/2019 at 12:19

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We stopped at Bucc-ee’s, the land of 100 toilets, and there was still a line for the ladies’ room. They’ve been saying for years that designers need to put in a higher number of ladies’ toilets compared to men’s, but they never do.

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > DasWauto 01/24/2019 at 15:35

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Can I just say thank you for continuing to maintain Oppositeblog. It’s my go-to over Oppositelock now - mainly for the quality of posts, but also because I’m tired of what Oppo has become and can’t be bothered to sift through the shit and mire to get to the good stuff. So thanks man. You are doing sterling work.

-4muddyfeet

DasWauto > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/27/2019 at 20:34

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Thank you for passing that on, and thank you for continuing to keep up with it as well. I’m glad it’s not in vain. :)

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > DasWauto 01/28/2019 at 09:54

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Sure thing. There less and less “worthy” work showing up on OPPO these days, sadly, but I’m happy to catch the good stuff when I see it.

Hope you’re doing well! 

DasWauto > davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com 01/28/2019 at 10:27

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I’ve noticed the same, which is a shame but I guess the incentive to put in the effort isn’t there like it once was.

I’m busy as ever but other than being perpetually short staffed I have little to no stress so it’s not onerous. I hope life is treating you well too. 

davesaddiction @ opposite-lock.com > DasWauto 01/28/2019 at 11:11

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Yup. I know my motivation to put an hour or two into a post has completely evaporated... It’s fine, OPPO has always been more of a discussion forum than a place to publish real work, but the quality of stuff we were getting for a while there (during your Best of OPPO days, with shares to the FP) was truly great. It’s a shame to lose that part of it.

Glad your stress level is low; I’m happy to say the same. Right now, work is pretty slow but life (kids’ sports & other responsibilities) is crazy. Fun most of the time, but no end in sight to our super-full schedule...